I. Separate Friend and Parent, it’ll save you lots of trouble in the long run.
Why? Glad you asked…
Spa days are wonderful to do with your daughter, but be clear you’re not her friend! She’ll acquire plenty of those along the way. I know it’s hard as a single mother to find balance between disciplinarian and nurturer, but you must find it in order to raise a productive citizen. You want your child to respect authority and appreciate the gift of life. Respect starts at home and when they’re a child, they need your structure, discipline, and love; none of which have to be in the form of friendship. I became my parents ‘friend’ as an adult, due to all of the above. I didn’t understand it then, but appreciated it when I became my own person. It helped me not give up on life when the tough times rolled through. I can laugh with my parents, but even as adult I know the jokes only go so far. Now do you get what I mean?
Let’s move on to #2
II. Quit trying to be ‘cool’ with your children.
Let me explain…
All the things you think are funny now, will not be funny when they’re 16. For example, teaching your daughter all the latest dance moves (twerking, the nae nae, etc.) before she even can read or write is a HUGE problem! Still don’t understand? Let’s try this, a 3 year old twerking is atrocious, just as a 4 year old boy throwing up gang signs and sagging makes absolutely NO sense either. Our children have enough to deal with, as it relates to social media, cyber bullying, being afraid of school shootings, etc., don’t add to that list with the nonsense you’ve taught them. You laugh now, and will cry later when they’re 16 and pregnant or in a never ending cycle with the judicial system.
Moving right along…
III. Cease fire on your village
Why you mad? Yes, the incorrect grammar was intentional…
Stop getting mad at the responsible people in your life who make every attempt to be a part of your child’s village. Look, none of us do this alone. Yes, I am a ‘single mother’ by definition, but I’m doing my part to change that. I can’t take sole credit for my daughter’s success or my sanity. I’m not offended when a cousin disciplines her, my parents tell her to have several seats, or a teacher sits her in the corner for acting foolish outside my presence. My village is A1 and I appreciate them. Learn to appreciate those in your life who are willing to lighten your load. Being offended is just plain ignorant. Yes, you need them so stop it with your cape and S on your chest, as if it’s just YOU!
IV. Respect yourself enough to not allow men in your life to run all over you.
Let me explain…
Your daughter learns what’s acceptable from the opposite sex, or same sex in some instances-no, I don’t discriminate, to each its own. Your son will learn from you what it takes to treat a woman with respect. Now if you allow Daddy or ‘Uncle’ (yup, I said it. Uncle, you know the current boyfriend you introduced to your child as such because you and the last one only worked out for a few weeks) to run all over you– guarantee that your son will not only do the same to you, but to every other woman you encounter. OUCH! Someone had to be honest with you. What example are you setting?
V. Quit reminding your child that it’s ‘just you!’
Your Daddy left me…
I believe they are clear that they live with just you and seldom see Dad or have little to no involvement with him. Don’t under estimate your child’s intelligence. It’s not your child’s burden to bear because things didn’t work out between you and Dad. Be humble enough to forgive yourself for whatever storm you’ve been through and not involve your child in your adult affairs. Just because you and Dad didn’t work out doesn’t mean the relationship with child and Dad won’t or can’t work out. Be in prayer for their relationship and your maturity. Get out of your own way. Let go and let God! There’s a blessing in the one created for you, but he will NOT come until you look forward.
Now, that you’ve read the 5 things the sweet parenting books refuse to tell you- let me hear from you. What’s one of your honest truths you’d like to share with single moms? Don’t forget to leave it in the comments.