Today, I watched a Black single mother brush her son’s hair in preparation for a really big moment in his life.  Two things came to mind, look at the dedication and commitment to making him his best. Secondly, I thought it doesn’t have to be this way, she can’t teach him to be a man. It angered me.

Why do our kiddos have to subjected to absentee fathers? Why do our children suffer from neglect because a man decided he wanted to check out on his responsibilities?  Why do our children have to take a lifetime to heal from their inadequacies; constantly questioning who they are and why they weren’t good enough to be loved by both Mommy and Daddy? When on Earth will our community wake up and do better? My mind ran a mile a minute!

Men, I don’t know where we got off track or what you’ve been told,  but our community as a whole needs you. If you haven’t been told, let me be the first to tell you that we need you.  It’s time out for you to continue the narcissistic behavior that’s kept you away from us, your children. If your Father was absent, it’s time you break the cycle and the excuses.  If you’re Father was present,  it’s time you began to learn from his presence and his impact in your own life. Bottom line, get it together!  Your sons deserve your rearing, your unconditional love, your comfort, your discipline, your presence, and the peace you bring to their lives. Absolutely no one can teach them a Father’s love or how to be a man quite like you can!
Where's Dad

Women, Sisters as much as I love you, I need you to know that it’s time out for thinking we can be and do everything! Truth is, we can’t. We can’t teach boys to be men. It took me a while to arrive at this revelation, but I got it and I want the same peace to come over you. I had to learn that I could not overcompensate for my daughter’s Father’s  absence with the presence of gifts, trips, and the whatever you want mentality. No matter what I bought her or how late I allowed her to stay up, he just wasn’t there.  The same goes for your sons. Buying him the latest Polo, Jordan’s, baggy pants, etc., doesn’t make Dad magically appear. Great Father’s show up!

Let me be the first to say, I know how anger can take over when you see the lopsided justice scale. Don’t focus on that. It’ll continue to piss you off and it’s not about that. Yes, your busting your tail and sacrificing but don’t operate in a space of tit for tat. That mentality doesn’t help none of the parties involved.

Our families need both parents and if Dad shows up for your son, he’s done his job. Stop taking his lack of concern for you personal. If he doesn’t want to be there,  suck it up and accept his departure; after all, you’re the prize, right? Quit thinking you’ve lost something and begin a mentality of you’ve won everything. The gift is in your child. Men, stop blaming the mom for the reason why your tail is in between your legs. Man up and show up, period! Show your son how to love a woman by the way you show up and respect his mother! If she won’t let you see him, take your butt to court and quit fearing child support. Taking care of your son financially is all a part of your responsibility anyway so quit worrying about your club money.

What ways do you believe we can work to get the two-parent home back?

Sound off below in the comments.

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2 thoughts on “Female Teaching Male: The Impossiblities in Raising a Man”

  1. We, as women, have to learn how to take the focus off of ourselves. The relationship between your child & it’s father has nothing to do with you. Let them build a bond without negative interference.

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