This morning I cried tears of joy after dropping my 7 year old off at her 1st day of 2nd grade. I am simply elated that God’s grace has allowed us 7 fast moving years with one another;  what I thought was impossible,  he’s made possible. It has been by his grace alone that I’ve not only survived what others wanted so desperately to kill me, but I’ve been favored in my journey. It has not been easy, but the challenges have been all worth it.

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My only picture with the big girl

I looked at Zari today as she walked into class, turning around saying with a smile, “okay Mommy, you can go now.  I’ll see you at 3!” I didn’t know how to receive it because my baby wasn’t a “baby” anymore,  but realizing she will always be my baby.  On my drive home, I envisioned her first day of Jr. High,  her first day of high school, her first broken heart,  her first crush,  her first day of college, her first true love, her wedding day, and much more. I imagine accompanying her through life, supporting her dreams,  loving her through her mistakes, and knowing God has his hands on her.

I pull up to my home-  it’s just me and the dogs. My world is fairly quiet, yet busy getting my business off the ground and being a full time Mommy – it’s what I define as organized chaos. I walk in, put my keys on the dresser, take a deep breath to take in the cool air-it’s a 103 degrees here in TX. Finally, I enter my bedroom where I turn on the television to one of my favorite news channels,  CNN. I then walk to the other room-TV volume blaring from my bedroom, grab a snack, and I’m stopped dead in my tracks when I hear, “funeral coverage for Mike Brown will begin at 10 am and we will bring it to you live.”

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In that moment I realize, I’ve been selfishly going about my day when there’s a mother, father, and an entire family who require the same grace I required of God to make it in my single mother journey, the same grace but just needed in a far greater way. Mike Brown’s mother required the grace to give her peace in her journey for justice for her son, Mike Brown, and grace to comfort her in a way that no human being can. My tears serve as no comparison to the tears I’ve shed today. I’ll kiss my baby again, I’ll hug her again, and I’ll hear her sweet voice once the bell rings. For Mike’s mom, the bell has rang and it will forever be a resounding tone in her life that her time on Earth with her baby is over. I’m certain she envisioned Mike Brown going to his first day of college (abruptly halted by hatred on August 9, 2014),  his college graduation,  marriage to his true love, and her grand grandchildren. There’s one first that she never imagined would happen in her life time; his death. A child going before their parent defies the life cycle, it’s just not supposed to happen. In the words of Rev. Al Sharpton, “it’s out of order!”

No parent wants that call or have to be in Lesely McSpadden’s shoes today. The shoes she, Sabrina Fulton, Lucia McBath, and countless other moms are shoes that none of us should envy. I don’t envy her position for one second. In fact,  I feel a sense of  guilt for being so absent minded of her sorrow on this day and for being so in tune with my life, that I forgot the struggle my sister faced today, and forevermore. Since August 9th, I’ve fervently prayed her strength and peace. As she sheds tears for a child lost,  my tears symbolized what has been and what’s to come; an appreciation for time. My daughter’s future is extremely bright, I see glimmers of her greatness in the daily things she accomplishes, a future I pray blinds hatred and defies all odds of stereotypes placed on her Blackness. I pray my daughter is not snatched from me as the countless Black children who have been taken far too soon due to the hatred of others. I pray I don’t own an experience of mothers whose children have been robbed of their futures. Today, I stand ready for the ”

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I’m reminded in this fight to remind you of, “Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs.” -Proverbs 10:12 Let us walk in love and truth. Let us find justice for the Mike Brown’s of the world; those who no longer have a voice in the fight. As Al Sharpton so eloquently stated in eulogizing Mike Brown, “but at the end, the lion and the lamb will lay down together. Justice is gon’ come! Justice is gon’ come!” I’m ready, are you?

Things you can do to help in the fight:

  1. Encourage friends and family to participate in community voter’s registration initiatives
  2. Encourage friends and family to register to vote
  3. GO Vote in all elections, especially those in your immediate community
  4. Don’t turn a blind eye, but help in serving as a voice for those slain-sign petitions for great causes
  5. Check out the Urban League and join the movement
  6. Don’t forget about Mike Brown and his fight. His family will need you.
  7. If you don’t do anything else, pray for the Brown family, the Davis family (currently going through the retrial for Jordan Davis’ justice), for every family of a slain Black man or woman, and every Black man and boy who the world already fears.

Peace and Blessings!

OXOX,

Ebs
#SeeYourselfNaked

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2 thoughts on “Mommy’s Tears: 2 Moms Cry For Two Very Different Reasons”

  1. Ebs,
    I like your posts And blogs but, while I agree there are injustices for the minorities in many communities, the mounting evidence doesn’t suggest big mike was a victim here. When we suggest otherwise we soil the good name of those who were victims of social injustice. This tragedy happened because mike made poor choices DESPITE the fact that he seemed to have a loving Christian family. There needs to be progress made to better our at risk youths’ chances of succeeding AND surviving in America and I think your post suggests that but Big Mike was not slain by a racist officer, he was shot dead by an officer who was just attacked

    1. I LOVE That you disagree with my POV, and I totally respect that. I’ll stick to my guns (no pun intended) on where I stand on this one. Thanks for commenting and providing your perspective.

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